The holidays can be a weird time for relationships, any kind of relationship - you're not a baby anymore.  

You likely were able to see some old friends while at home.  This is fun and can be a great time to catch up.  But there’s been so much that’s happened over the last 4 months and there’s no way to explain it all over a cup of coffee.  This can often leave us feeling distant from those we were so close to.  Part of you loves to reconnect, while the other half of you is more excited about where your life back at school and the friends you have there.

If you came back to stay with your parents, that relationship can be quite unique as well.  You like seeing them and of course they’re elated you’re back home, but right about now you may want to leave!  You might be thinking it could’ve been good to make the trip 5 days, instead of 10.  And, next year, you’re just going to make sure you have to work so you can limit the time you spend at home.  You’re parents will understand and respect that and you can avoid hurting their feelings.  It’s been good while it’s lasted, but it’s time to get back to YOUR life.

I met with a guy today in a coffee shop by my house who is a college grad and still waiting tables at a restaurant.  He has a degree in a very respected area, but still hasn’t found a career oriented job in that field.  The struggle is deep, and people in his position often deal with feelings of depression, insignificance, and humiliation.

Nobody goes to college with the dream of NOT finding a job.  The hopes of a financially successful future is at the core of EVERY college student.  But after graduating many find their hopes turning into feelings of hopelessness.  Pride is shattered.  Dreams crushed.  Hopes squelched.  Direction lost.

Sifting through all the feelings of the seeming sociological failure we're going through is tough, but there is frankly something much more important we ought to be thinking through.  If you or someone you know is struggling through these feelings of hopelessness, here are 4 things you ought to keep in mind...

Sitting at Ava right now, my favorite coffee shop.  On a couch, sipping a dark chocolate mocha, in a ceramic cup, on a rainy day.  Beautiful.

I've been thinking and praying through a series I'm teaching called, "Tuning in to God's Voice."   As I'm looking around the coffee shop, I'm wondering what people here would think about this topic.

What does God want me to do with my life?  Now that's a question a lot of us are asking. 

My thoughts are beginning with the idea of Christians always saying that we have a "personal relationship" with God.  Do you think that's true?  Obviously the Scriptures clearly allow for this concept, but do you think most people sitting in churches on Sunday mornings actually do?

Do you?  Maybe you're a person that's said that phrase in some intellectual debate you were having with someone, but was it an authentic statement for you to make?

"Another one bites the dust" is playing right now in the background.  I love it.  I want to dance.

Just kidding, kind of.

I drove downtown this morning to come to one of my favorite coffee shops - Stumptown. Stumptown is a nickname for Portland because when they were building the city they had to cut down a lot of trees (yes, amazing, they killed tree’s in Oregon) and there were a bunch of stumps around. Hence the name, “Stumptown.”  This coffee shop, however, not only has historical roots it also has phenomenal coffee!

All the stores have a similar feel to them - urban feel (as you can tell by the dj booth in the back), but have a very eclectic base of customers. People who are homeless, in school, businessmen and women, etc...all come here.  I come here because it’s only about 10 minutes from my house, but it feels like light years away. That’s the beauty of Portland - there are so many different types of areas here. Each district is unique from all others. 

Just in line at Starbucks.  As I was standing there I saw a man writing in a notebook - he obviously didn’t know I was snooping.  He certainly didn’t recognize the fact that I took this picture with my cell phone!  Sssshhhhh.

He was a middle aged man, and from what I could tell he was listing out the characteristics he wanted in a mate!  I checked and he didn’t have a wedding ring on.  The title at the top of the page was “desired characteristics.”  His list was VERY long - maybe that’s why he didn’t have a significant other…?

Picky?  Maybe, but there might be something deeper going on.

Most of the time when we’re thinking about future relationships we think about characteristics we desire a “significant other” to have.  In many ways I think this can be healthy, but turning the table a bit may be a better perspective. 

I'm sitting in a coffee shop (of course) - this one, at this time, will remain nameless.  Why?  Well, I don't want to give this one a bad vibe in anyway.

People have secret lives.  People often aren't what they seem. 

I was hanging out with a couple guys from my church.  We were just hanging out talking about life, laughing.  It was fun.  But then one of them tells me the guy behind me (in business attire) is playing some porn game on his computer.  In a coffee shop?  In public?  Weird.

People sometimes are so lost in their secret lives they forget it's a secret.  They get so in tune they forget others are around.

Apparently, since my friend was sitting directly across from me, he glanced at the guy behind me and saw some reality game on his computer where there was  a night club scene.  And then all the sudden he said the guy clicks on the girl, undresses her so she's dancing completely naked, and zooms in.  All I knew was my friend abruptly looked away (in fact he adjusted his seat to face another direction).  Being that all this was happening behind me I didn't know what was going on, but I could tell from the look on my friends face that whatever just happened didn't settle well with him.  

 Went to a different coffee shop today.  The Hawthorne district is a very popular district in Portland.  It's pretty much the place to be if you're in your twenties.  It's known for it's pubs, shopping, night life...and of course, coffee shops.  So, I came to "The Press" this morning.  It's at the end of Hawthorne blvd, with a quaint outside and urban feel inside.  Even though it’s about 25 minutes away from my house, I come here every once in a while because it's a great place to meet people.  

I sat on a couch.  It has a coffee table in front of it with another couch across, facing me.  I sat here because there's a couple sitting on the couch across.  I figure if we're facing each other we're bound to have some type of conversation - at some point.  My assumption proved to be true.  The couple just packed up and left, but we had a great conversation.

I'm at  a new coffee shop this morning.  Never been here before, but drove past it a couple times so thought i would check it out.  I like it - cozy couches, cool atmosphere.  Just ordered a "spicy Mocha."  Not sure what that means yet, but it's one of their specialty items so I figured I'd check it out.  I love Portland.  I'm looking out the window at a clear blue sky, florescent colored leaves on the trees, damp streets.  Walking in I could see my breathe just a little - the fall is my favorite season!

I'm looking around in the coffee shop and I see what looks like a couple talking.  My guess is they are about 21 or 22 years old.  They don't seem to know each other that well - in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if this their second or third time together with the way they're talking.  Yes, I've eavesdropped a little.  Listening to them got me thinking about something for this series of blogs I'm doing.  The issue of identity and meaning is closely tied to relationships.

 I'm not sure where you are in life, but if you're in your early twenties I hope this is going to help you think more deeply about yourself and pursuits.

 All of us are gaining a deeper sense of meaning and hoping in future things to bring that about.  This is never more true than our college-age years.  These years that are filled with hope in a successful career and possibly even a family life.  It's totally natural to place a lot of hope in these things, but I would also have to say it's not necessarily healthy.

There's a sub-culture of people, maybe you'll find yourself in this one, that are highly motivated in their education.  Even though I hate categorizing people in anything, for the sake of this blog I will call this person the "vocational."  The vocational has a very practical approach to school, seeking to gain skills and knowledge that will directly assist them in their future vocation.  The underlying hope of the vocational is that an education will be the first step toward a successful career and making more money.

Who am I?  Not so easy to answer is it?

I’m sitting at Ava, my favorite coffee shop.  I moved up to Portland about six months ago from the LA area, and love it here.  There are a lot of differences, but the biggest one being in the people.  Now, it’s still America, but the truth is the culture here is different.

People ask me what the difference is.  I can’t say exactly, but I often use the illustration of musicians to try to try to explain...

This is a generalization of course (and in ways unfair), but in LA the musicians seem to have an identity in the image of a musician.  It’s not that they’re not good.  They just seem to love the image of a musician more than they do music.  More than that, they seem to see themselves in what they think the image of a musician is much more than authentically being one.